I have a different lifestyle than a lot of other people. This lifestyle did not happen overnight. I, and my family, have been making decisions over the last decade or so to get to this place. Because this transition did not happen instantaneously, I sometimes forget that not everyone lives the same way as I do. A couple of recent comments and strange looks have reminded of how foreign our ways may seem to others.

While I have plans for the future, I am pretty happy with where I am. Therefore, I decided to write a blog series to discuss some of the ways that our life is different, the pros and cons of these choices and the reasoning behind some of our decisions.

Before I start, I want to preface this series with the statement that because WE are living this way and feel strongly that it is right for US, it is in no way a judgement on the way that you may live your life. This is simply a way to bridge the gap of understanding about our decisions since so many others find it an enigma.

Lifestyle Post #1 – We homeschool our children

We were recently approached by someone that did not understand our choice to homeschool our children. He stated “You need to get those children out and socialize them!” Before I proceed to discuss the pros and cons of homeschooling for us, I have to address this common misconception. While it was tempting for me to slap this man silly for his ignorant comment, I had to remember that I once asked this same question when considering homeschooling as an option years ago. We are conditioned in today’s society to believe that the ideal environment for children to learn to communicate and form relationships with others is in a brick and mortar school building. We are led to believe that the best way for them to form friendships is to be contained in a room with 20 to 30 other students that just happen to live within a certain geographical region and be born within the same year. This may work for some students but it didn’t for me and I wanted something different for my kids. My children are very outgoing. They can, and will, have in-depth conversations with people of all ages. They have developed friendships surrounding common interests despite age differences and have no problem including a new kid in their activities. They have goals and ideas and are very open to sharing them with others. They even have a way of encouraging others in their successes that I was always too jealous to do as a child. While I don’t have the magic answer for how to “socialize” kids, our method is working out.

Now, on to the pros and cons list of homeschooling for us.

Pro – We have freedom of time

A traditional school system has set days and hours that must be followed. I understand that. You must have a schedule in order to make plans for the students. We are more flexible. We are still required to have the same amount of days and hours of school per year as any child, we just get the opportunity to choose when and how that happens. We have the opportunity to focus on school when it is best for learning rather than trying to cram it in when there are too many outside forces demanding our attention.

We choose to start school in July. This gives us a buffer if life gets in the way during the year so that we may take time off if we feel the need. In our area, the summer can be very hot. We are a family of fair-skinned, red-heads and blondies. We are NOT meant for long days in the sun by the pool. When we have tried, we have turned into lobsters. Starting school in July allows us to avoid the mid-day heat and sun by focusing on bookwork. We spend the early morning and evening hours participating typical summer activities and avoid heat stroke. In the fall, we are able to change our schedule to enjoy the beautiful fall days outdoors and with friends. The winter is back to the books as I detest the frigid cold weather of winter. We are usually finished with our school year in spring to allow for plenty of time to enjoy the outdoors after being cooped up all winter. This works for us but not all homeschool families follow this schedule. They have different family needs and therefore different schedules.

Other examples of how we utilize the flexibility of time are:

- Taking off of school when daddy is off of work. He works in a hospital and does not have the typical 9-5 type of hours. We have at times adjusted our schedule to enjoy family time on a Tuesday and have had school on a Saturday.

- Birthday parties on a weekday. The weekends are very busy for most people. Scheduling a birthday party with friends on a weekday is not only cheaper, less crowded but appreciated by many other parents who don’t have to figure out how to cram another thing into their over-packed weekend.

- Bonfires on a weeknight. We have had cookouts and bonfire parties on weekdays and late Sunday evenings. They were just as much fun as a weekend night and allowed us to enjoy more time with friends than we normally would have been able to do if only confined to weekends. The adults may be a little tired the next day at work, but the kids could sleep in the next morning if needed.

- Kids don’t have to miss an educational opportunity for a doctor or dentist appointment. We simply plan school around it.

- Vacations in the off-season. They are less expensive and less crowded. Win-Win!

- We can schedule trips to the grandparent’s farm during certain seasons of activity without missing out on school. They can have sleepovers and participate in harvesting, calving or hunting during the middle of the week.

- The local attractions are less crowded during traditional school hours. My children have had the opportunity to have in-depth conversations with zoo, aquarium and museum personnel without worrying about holding up the crowd. We have enjoyed a movie theater all to ourselves. We have had interesting conversations with performers after a play because we didn’t have to worry about loading up the buses. We have enjoyed short lines at the local bowling alley and skating rink. We have enjoyed these non-packed venues so much that it is disappointing when we have to share them with our traditional-schooled friends during their breaks.

Con – We must actively schedule time for school.

While the freedom to have school when we want is definitely a plus, we have to make conscious decisions on how we spend our time. I have found that others do not understand our flexibility and will sometimes say, “you can have school another day”. This is true to an extent but we still have to ensure that we fulfill the state mandated days of schooling.

We also have to schedule each activity for every school day. This requires time and planning to ensure that we are able to teach every subject with each child at different educational levels. Making lesson plans and preparing is an understood part of any educational setting. This holds true for homeschooling. Each family makes plans and schedules in different ways but homeschooling adds another level of complexity to it and requires time being intentionally spent on the task.

Pro – We can put family first.

By utilizing the flexibility of time, we can choose to make family a priority. Too often, the family is at the mercy of the school calendar and/or an employer’s schedule and demands. While we cannot avoid all of the conflicts of interest, we definitely have an advantage. One particular season in our life solidified my conviction to continue homeschooling my children. My grandmother was an amazing woman and a very influential person in my life during the short time that she was a part of it. Her last months were not healthy ones for her and she was placed on home hospice care. We lived about two hours away at this time and I felt that it was important to be at her bedside as much as possible. Homeschooling allowed this to happen. Without the worry of truancy charges for pulling my kids from school to be at her bedside, we were able to make many trips during her time in hospice. I received many comments about the appropriateness of my choice to expose my children to this end of life experience. I still stand behind this choice. We put off traditional school work to focus on the needs of family. My children learned many lessons, although not considered traditional educational lessons, during this difficult time.

- They learned that the world did not revolve around them. This was a difficult time and while my children’s needs were met, all of their wants were not. I explained to them the reason that we were making these long drives and that although they did not find it enjoyable, it was necessary. They missed out on playdates, field trips and other activities to make this a priority.

- They learned how to behave in serious situations. The deathbed is not an atmosphere of rainbows and lollipops. We packed toys, movies, books and other various activities to provide quiet entertainment during these long hours. They were instructed on how they needed to be quiet and calm to allow their great-mamaw to get her rest.

- They learned about the concept of death and dying. Working in the emergency department, I have seen my fair share of the last moments of life. I have seen the force of a CPR compression and heard the rib bones break. I have assisted with difficult intubations of very elderly and debilitated people in order to fight off the inevitable. I have seen the looks on family-member’s faces when they witness what it means by “do everything to save them”. While I do not begrudge anyone for wanting to remain on this earth as long as possible, there is also something to be said for dying with dignity. Dying in your own bed, in your own home and surrounded by loved ones is a much calmer and peaceful end. I hope that by seeing what death can look like, my children will not pursue extensive life-saving measures that will prolong the quantity of my life if it will diminish the quality. This was an intense discussion to have with children less than ten years of age but they participated and continued to ask questions. It was a conversation that brought us closer together.

- We discussed heaven. We are Christians. We took this opportunity to share our beliefs and faith with our children during this difficult time. They reminded me that even through my pain, this was God’s plan and it helped to comfort me.

- They learned that people grieve in different ways. The grieving process is a very strange one. My children were astute enough to witness and question some of these behaviors. They saw some family members that rarely left the bedside. Those individuals, like myself, felt comfort in being there and ready to help if needed. They witnessed other family members that showed up for only a few minutes at a time, several times throughout the day and avoided the actual bedside as much as possible. I was able to discuss the fact that those individuals did not find comfort at being at the bedside and that it actually hurt them more to see their loved one so frail. They saw that the individuals cared and wanted to be there but that it hurt too much to stay a long time. This was simply a different way of grieving. They witnessed family members that talked continuously and others that barely said a word. They observed the nonstop motion of some and the mute tone of others. We discussed these behaviors during our rides. We developed a better understanding of the needs of others during this stressful time. I hope that this will help them when relating to others in grief or in accepting their own methods of grieving in the future.

- They spent hours listening to family stories and memories. One of my cousins dug out the old photo albums. She and others spent time discussing the old pictures, which led to telling stories that led to more stories and shared memories. My children were able to participate with questions of life on the farm back “in the old days” and point out resemblances of their grandfather to their own first cousins. Although they may not remember all of those old stories, I hope that it gave them a sense of belonging and showed them the love that was shared in our family.

Con – Placing family first can require some creative maneuvering of schedules.

When family is first and requires a lot of time, the school time must be made up in other ways. I became creative in my scheduling of the rest of the year and we did ended up having school until almost June of that year. It was a sacrifice of our beautiful spring weather to spend some of the time indoors doing bookwork but it was definitely worth it.

Pro – Individualized education

It is impossible, even for the most amazing school teacher, to individualize the education of each child when teaching a classroom of 20-30 kids. The fact that I can provide individualized education for my children is NOT a comment on the inability of those teaching in a traditional setting. It is simply a statement of fact regarding the restrictions of that educational setting. My children have different strengths and weaknesses. They have different goals for their future and I see it as my job to help them to get there. Individualizing their educational needs is just one way that I can help them.

Examples of individualized education for us:

- Languages – I have one child that decided that he wanted to learn ten languages by the time that he graduates high school. I am not even bilingual but I am helping him to attain this goal. We reassess and introduce a new language every year, as he continues to want to pursue them. I have found various outside classes and online courses as well as official curriculum. He is enjoying these electives and exposure to different cultures.

- Wilderness Survival – We had a family read-aloud book called “My Side of the Mountain” by Jean Craighead George. This book resonated with one of my sons to a great extent. He talked about this book constantly and has plans to “make money and then live in the wild”. He asked to learn about survival methods. For his elective, we have been studying foraging for food, setting up shelter in the wilderness and most recently, medical emergencies. He has developed presentations, plans to forage for a few wild plants this spring and has designed and assembled safety boxes for our vehicles.

- Business Math – I was getting a little tired of hearing “Math is torture to my brain!” So, I worked with other families and found a business math project to include in our lessons. They are simulating their own book store with purchase orders, sales tax, inventory and other issues that business owner’s face. Each month, we have a meeting of business owners for the kids to present their progress in their store. This has helped bring excitement back to our math lessons.

Con – Individualized education

While I love that my children are able to have a goal-oriented education, it does require more work on my end. Finding an age-appropriate Italian curriculum for a 5th grader and putting together a wilderness survival curriculum from scratch weren’t some of the easier tasks of this past year. Developing lesson plans and curriculums tailored to each child can be time consuming and challenging. I have pushed myself very hard to learn about the various educational methods, curriculums and learning opportunities available both online and locally. I am lucky to have made many homeschool friends that have encouraged and helped me in this journey as there is no way that I could have done all of the work without their support.

Pro – We can address problems early

In a large classroom of children, it is difficult to discover issues with each child. Whether it is struggling with a specific subject or issues with friends, homeschooling provides the time with my children to help to identify and find solutions to problems early before they spiral into bigger issues.

Con – I rarely get a break

Spending this time with my children is something that I am very grateful to do but there are times that it becomes too much. My kids are with me most of the time. This gives us the opportunity to learn from each other and develop tight bonds but it also can cause us to get on each other’s nerves. Children are selfish. It is in their nature to want things and to ask their parents for those things. Whether it is another snack, permission for more TV time or money to buy a new toy, the strain is real. When you multiply this by four, there are days that I want to hide from all of these tiny humans. The opportunity to pass off the responsibility of their care to another one for a break is rare and greatly appreciated. This does not mean that I regret this choice. It just means that it isn’t as Pinterest-pretty as it sometimes looks.

The time that it takes to plan, prepare and actually teach my children takes away from time that I could do other things. While we may be at home during a day, it does not mean that my house will be clean, supper fixed or any other task will be completed during the busy day of education. These tasks are still there as they are for all mothers. I also find it difficult to find time for personal projects or breaks but then again, don’t all mothers?

Pro – More efficient use of time

Some of the wasted time in a traditional school is not necessary for home education. My children don’t require an hour a day on the school bus. They don’t have to wait for twenty minutes while the entire class goes for a bathroom break. We utilize our lunch time to watch educational videos so that their hands are busy while they learn about zebra migrations or Christopher Columbus. This efficient use of time allows the kids to have more free time to pursue their own interests. They get a break after their lessons to “be bored” and play. They have more time to pursue their own interests that are not tied to a particular school subject. This also allows them to be refreshed for any evening extra-curricular activities such as soccer or swimming. I have found that they are much more receptive to a coach’s teachings after having a break than they are on the days when we are rushed from one thing to another.

Con – Money

We pay for all of our books (that we don’t borrow from the library), curriculums, workbooks, pencils, paper, paints, manipulatives, experiments, outside classes, field trips, etc., out of our own pocket. If we are not careful, this can become quite expensive. I work hard to evaluate each educational item for longevity and purpose before purchase.

In addition to the out-of-pocket expenses, one of us has to stay home to teach our kids. For our family, that person was me. I gave up my full-time career as a pharmacist to focus on educating my children. This was a difficult decision because I still have school loans that would be easier to pay off with an increased salary. I have transitioned to a part-time evening/weekend schedule to attempt to balance both issues.

Pro – Less sickness

An understood concern with traditional classroom settings is the rapid spread of germs. This is due to a combination of children not allowing hygiene to interrupt their other activities and the compulsory educational laws that force parents to send children to school with mild symptoms or incur an expensive physician bill for an excusal note. While homeschooled children do get sick, they tend to stay at home and the spread is not as rapid nor severe. We have found that though we do get the occasional sicknesses, it is not usually as prolonged or as often as our traditional-schooled counterparts.

Con – The sole educational provider

Taking on the responsibility of educating my children is a huge pressure. What if I screw up? What if my child finds that he/she did not learn about x, y or z topic and really needed these things in his/her future? As the provider of their education, I am in charge of everything from curriculum choices, lesson plans, extra-curricular activities, play-dates, etc. It can be a daunting task to make all of the pieces of this life fit together. When you add in the fear of failure, it sometimes makes me want to hand over the reigns to another. It would be much easier to blame “that school system” or “that lousy teacher” if my child failed. Somedays, it is very tempting.

Con – Defending our choice to naysayers

There is a lot of outside pressure on parents in general but when you tell someone that you are the primary one educating your children, the scrutinizing eyes start observing your child for every misstep in an attempt to prove that you are a failure. I have had many conversations with people about our choice to home educate. Some people are genuinely curious and kind. Some may be jealous or insecure in their own choices because they work very hard to convince me that we are wrong. Some people are very direct in telling me their thoughts and others hide it in comments like “I know that you don’t do this, but…” followed by an outrageous stereotype of a homeschooled child that their cousin’s boyfriend’s sister once knew. While I don’t hide the fact that we made this choice for our family, I do sometimes get tired of defending it to others. I appreciate all of the benefits of homeschooling but I don’t feel the need to convince others that the choice that they made for their family is wrong. Every family has to make the decisions that work best for them. This works for us.

If you were counting, the cons outweighed the pros in this list. But that is just by number. The pros are weighted much higher in our hearts and have helped us to make this decision. This has been difficult at times but also one of the best decisions that we have made for our little family. I can’t wait to see where it leads us in the future!!

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