My Christmas Story

Starting Behind

It happens every year. It shouldn’t be a surprise. It is marked on every printed calendar that you buy. And yet, every year it sneaks up on me. The month of December, that crazy and packed month. This year was no exception.

I always have grandiose plans for this month. I tell myself every year that this one will be different. And yet, I always find myself stressed out. I’m sure that my situation isn’t any different than those of millions of other mothers that strive to provide the perfect Christmas experience for her family (I know that dads also participate but I’m not a dad so I’m speaking only from my point of view). Over the years, I have cut out some of the traditional activities in favor of less stress. And still it happened.

I drug out the totes filled with holiday decorations when the hubby mentioned that it seemed pointless to decorate when we were still tripping over furniture and other items strewn throughout the house. Let me explain. After a complicated pregnancy (see details here:The Unexpected Diagnosis – PJ's Projects (pjsprojects.com), we had a baby in July of this year. We were warned by the medical professionals that we may not be fortunate enough to bring home a baby at the end of this pregnancy. I knew that I didn’t have the emotional strength to remove unwanted baby items from my home if we returned from the hospital empty handed. So, we avoided all baby preparation until the last minute. This resulted in a huge, unorganized mess. In addition, we decided the best way to set up the baby’s room would be to rearrange the original layout. Multiple rooms were renamed, and the contents were exchanged. When the calendar flipped from November 30^th to December 1^st, we still had to paint the baby’s room, furnish and organize it. Hence, the furniture, totes, etc., that we were tripping over. The hubby was right. Putting up Christmas decorations around this mess was like putting lipstick on a pig. It didn’t change the fact that we were surviving amongst chaos, nor would it make the mess any prettier. So, I spent the first week of December setting up the baby’s room. When I say that I set up the baby’s room, it is lightyears away from a typical baby’s nursery. I simply mean that we put furniture, baby play items and clothes in the room. The closet is organized but that is pretty much it. But at least we can walk through our main living area without smashing a toe.

The first week of December was also filled with regular activities like homeschooling, fulfilling orders for the business, taking care of the homestead, etc. Before I knew it, we were entering the second week of December and I was feeling the pressure. We had orders with a strict deadline that needed completed, we hadn’t started any decorating or shopping and our calendar was full of plans for Christmas parties and activities. The only Christmas related thing that we started was incorporating a Christmas-themed read-aloud to our homeschool. That’s it.

To add an extra layer of complication to the mix, the baby picked this moment to hit a growth spurt and was cluster feeding. This meant that I was extra sleep-deprived and nursing the baby every 2-3 hours. How was it all going to get done?!

I reached out to the hubby for help. He was already working overtime from his regular job and creating the items requested for gifts for our customers, but he wanted to help. I explained that I was struggling to complete the shopping list for this year. He promised to help. Not long afterwards, I found multiple items added to my Amazon shopping cart. When I asked him about this, he explained that he was helping me shop by adding multiple items that he wanted for Christmas. This way, I could simply choose the ones to purchase and gift to him. Apparently, there was some miscommunication happening here.

I could have handled this in a calm and adult-like manner by simply explaining that my stress was not so much about getting his gifts but for obtaining the gifts for the kids and others on our list. However, I did not.

The Blowup

The blowup was impressive. You may have felt the ground shaking as I expressed my rage and frustration to the hubby and anyone else with functional hearing within a mile radius. I lost it. I did feel better afterwards by letting off the steam, but it really should have been accomplished in a more controlled manner.

My 7-year-old reminded me a few days later of how my expression was perceived by those around me. We were working together when she stated in her matter-of-fact way, “I want to be just like you when I grow up. I want to have babies and paint. Except, I don’t want to be crazy”. Out of the mouth of babes, right!

Changing Things

I knew that I had to make a few changes. In my attempt to do it all, I risked ruining this Christmas for my kids. I couldn’t do that. Something had to change, and it had to start with me. I started evaluating the list of the typical December activities.

   - Custom Orders

We had a multitude of orders that needed to be completed for our customers. This was non-negotiable. It had to be done. The hubby took some time off of his regular job to spend his time building. I decided to start our school break early in order to focus my energies on finishing up these products. It was a close one, but we did it! All of our orders were delivered. 

    - Santa pictures

When my kids were little, we did the traditional Santa picture. We dressed the kids in matching outfits, stood in line for hours for the privilege to overpay for a picture of my kids screaming as they sat on a fat man’s lap. Everyone was miserable. This was an easy one to give up. Yet, I had considered restarting this one simply because I had a baby too young to be scared of the man in the red suit. Why? I’m not sure. This was the first activity to be removed from my list.

Don’t take my experience as a criticism if this is something that you do. I enjoy seeing the photos of kids excited for this opportunity. I hope that it is a fun activity for your family. For us, it was one that we simply did because I felt obligated to keep up with other families in this tradition.

   - Decorations

I’m not a stickler for the perfect home but I do like the cozy feel of Christmas decorations. Instead of taking the time to perfectly arrange each item, we chose the lazy method. The kids were very excited to add this to the seasonal activities and I was exhausted. For three nights in a row, as dinner was cooking, we played a game of “Here, find a spot”. Here are the rules:

• Crank up the volume on some Christmas music.
• Open a tote of randomly stored Christmas decorations.
• Hand the first item to an awaiting child and say “Here, find a spot”.
• Game continues until tote is empty or dinner is ready to eat.

The mantle had an air of competition with various styles and shapes of nativity scenes crammed onto every open surface. The stockings were not necessarily hung with care but tied with twine to the circular stairway. The kids arranged lights in various areas of the house that not only looked pretty but functioned as a night-light for the many late hours of pacing the floors with the baby. The decorations were scattered throughout the house as we sang and danced and laughed. This is what Christmas decorating was supposed to be about. I was happy to participate in this memory.  

  - Cards

I usually have fall family pictures made and use them for our Christmas cards. I simply did not get them done. I received one from a friend that pics various clips throughout the year and makes them into a collage. I decided that I would do that method instead. I didn’t.

I gave up this year. It’s not like I haven’t spent New Year’s Day sending out Christmas cards and pretending that they got delayed in the mail. Sorry, postal workers! Instead, I made the decision to opt out of cards this year.

As the season progressed, my mailbox filled with cards and photos from friends and family. I realized that this is one thing that I wished I hadn’t deleted from my to-do list. I hope to complete this activity next year.

   - Christmas lights

We have taken the children to various commercial Christmas light displays over the years – the zoo, Coney Island, the Kentucky Horsepark, etc. This year, our version consisted of “Kids, look out the window!” as we traveled at night to various activities.

    - Watching movies

We enjoy our share of family movie nights. We managed to squeeze in a few of them. I believe that the kids had fun even if their parents kept falling asleep before the movie was over.

     - Baking cookies

I’ve never been a great baker but there is something about December that makes a person want to fill the house with wonderful smells of baked goodness. This year, I decided to invite a few friends over to help. I placed a last-minute invite and pulled the ingredients from the pantry. Our guests arrived and the kids took off to play with their long-lost friends. The ladies and I talked and talked. It felt good to just relax and enjoy the adult conversation that didn’t revolve around a to-do list. The kids were so busy playing, and I enjoyed the company so much that hours passed, and we hadn’t put one ingredient into a bowl. I didn’t care. I hope that the guests weren’t disappointed, but the companionship filled my soul with more warmth than the best baked cookie could have done.

   - Holiday Get-Togethers

Our calendar was packed with opportunities to spend time with family and friends. These gatherings usually revolve around food that everyone brings and shares with others. Sometimes, I had my act together and prepared edible dishes to be shared. One time, I showed up with a large bag of Veggie Straws and a carton of eggs from our chickens (as a gift to the hostess and not to eat). Luckily, the hostess was gracious enough to accept my meager offering as my family and I stuffed ourselves with their delicious food and enjoyed the evening.

One gathering was cancelled due to illness and while I missed the opportunity to visit with others, I was a bit grateful for the gift of extra time with a scheduled babysitter to do a little shopping.

Another gathering was out of town, and I simply bailed at the last minute. I wanted to be there but was so tired that I wasn’t confident that I could drive home without falling asleep. I am lucky that I have understanding friends.

We couldn’t do all of the scheduled activities. In previous years, it was busy, but we were at least able to attend all of the gatherings for which we committed. Hopefully, we will be able to do better next year.

   - Shopping

I have never been a good gift-giver. I want to be a person that finds the gift that someone loves and present it to them in a perfectly wrapped package. I usually have one or two successes per season. The rest are hopefully adequate or returnable. Due to my ineptitude at shopping, I do not enjoy this activity and it becomes a chore. In the past, I have been able to think just enough ahead of time to place my orders online and have a lot of the items delivered to my doorstep. This year, I missed those deadlines. I was going to have to physically shop in the overcrowded stores.

The shopping process could have been torturous for me. Then, a party was cancelled at the last minute because the host was ill. I was sorry to hear that, but the hubby and I took advantage of the scheduled babysitter and spent a few hours shopping together. It was enjoyable despite changing a blowout diaper in the back seat of our vehicle and listening to a screaming baby as we grabbed fast food on the way home. Maybe the fact that we considered this a successful date night indicates that we should have a few more date nights?

After I had crossed a few presents off of the list, I felt a renewed vigor. I hadn’t always hated shopping for Christmas presents. In fact, as a child, I quite enjoyed it. What changed? After some contemplation, I discovered that I never really enjoyed the shopping part but did enjoy the one-on-one time with my parents. I would do marathon shopping days with my mom (and sometimes my aunt) that included talking in the car and eating out. Then, my dad pretended that he couldn’t pick out any presents for my mom without my assistance. We would spend an evening alone as we shopped for her and enjoyed a meal. I decided to recreate this experience with my children. It took some logistical finagling, but I managed to set up separate times for each child to go shopping. We would search the stores and finish with a meal or a special treat. This turned a chore into a fun experience shared with each of my kids. I definitely want to continue this tradition in the future. I simply do not need to wait until a week before Christmas to start.  

    - Wrapping presents

Some friends and I were discussing the task of wrapping presents. A few of them really enjoy this part of the holiday season. One friend described her search for the perfect wrapping paper, bows and tags. Then she locked herself in her room with a glass of wine and a girly show on TV as she proceeded to turn each gift into a piece of art.

Over the years, the task of wrapping presents had become another thing to cross off my list. I simply do not experience the enjoyment from this activity as much as my friend, so I delegate the gift wrapping to my children. When they no longer want to help with this activity, I may try the tactic that my friend uses. It sounds peaceful.

My solution to getting out of wrapping presents:

• Catch the children when they are still young enough to want to help.
• Give them the paper, scissors, tape and gift. Tip: only give the child one gift at a time to wrap or you may end up with several wrapped gifts and no idea to whom any of them belong.
• Let them figure it out. It will be messy. It will use up a lot of paper, so make sure that you buy the cheap stuff (or steal some from your own mother).
• Forget adding tags. Use a marker to indicate the gift recipient.
• When you enter someone’s home with these presents, announce to everyone that your children helped you by wrapping them. The kids will proudly discuss their efforts as supportive family members make over their work. The kids are happy, and you look like a mom that is fostering independence instead of being a lazy bum.

Arctic blast

If I wasn’t behind enough, this season produced a wave of arctic air that could produce snow of two inches, ten inches or ice. No one really seemed to have an idea except that it would be very cold and windy. In addition to preparing for the big day, we needed to prepare to be stranded at home for several days in freezing conditions.

We stocked up on animal feed. We have a bad habit of letting our feed stores get too low resulting in mad dashes to the store when we unexpectantly run out. We couldn’t afford to run out this time. We picked up last minute groceries, propane and gas for the heater and generator if needed.

We replaced batteries in our flashlights, covered exposed pipes and many other things that would make our situation better if we lost power in this very cold weather. 

We prepared the animals for the bad weather. We overfilled their water, gave them additional food, increased their bedding and secured their living quarters. 

We rescheduled out-of-town plans as the weather rolled in. Then, we just waited. We experienced high winds, frigid temperatures and a couple inches of snow that piled in drifts. The wind caused some issues with our garage door and overall heating of our home. We fared better than many and felt lucky that we had some heat and the power remained on the entire time. We simply bundled up, kept the oven going with baked goods to help add to the warmth of the home and spent time together. The hubby took on the sole responsibility of outdoor chores for a few days. We handed him buckets of warm water for the animals and a cup of coffee for himself when he returned. We stayed home for several days and celebrated Christmas together and in our own relaxed way. It was cozy (even if a bit cooler than we are accustomed to) and lovely. 

The Holiday

This Christmas turned out to be very nice despite my efforts to ruin it. I had to be reminded to let some things go and focus on the important part of the holiday. Nothing about our Christmas was picture-perfect. Our story will never be made into a Hallmark special. I will never be accused of hosting a magical holiday party. I doubt I will ever create a seamless, holiday experience for my family. 

Christmas doesn't have to be an idyllic set of activities to prove that I love my family or that I did it better than my neighbor. I am a messy, weak and imperfect person. Christmas is a reminder that I needed Jesus to be born on that night, a long time ago, in order to save me from my sinful self.