Hubby has a Different J-O-B

Years ago, when my oldest kids were just babies, I attended a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) meeting. A presenter was there who talked about homeschooling. I don't remember all of the details of her speech, but there were a few words that stuck with me. She stated that they chose to homeschool "because they wanted to live life together as a family". It has been many years, so please forgive me if the quote isn't her exact wording, but you get the point. 

I began to consider what it meant to "live life together". In my mind, it is shared experiences that turn into memories, cheering on the milestones, having a safe spot to land when life kicked us in the teeth, etc.

I wanted this life for my family. I examined our current situation and realized that we were living the complete opposite of this desired lifestyle. I was working full time at a hospital an hour away from our home. The hubby was going full time to school an hour away from our home and in the opposite direction. Our oldest was in a daycare per recommendations from healthcare providers to help with his speech issues (it didn't help). Our baby was spending his time with a private sitter. I had become a master at managing a multitude of schedules, but they rarely overlapped. When we did manage to spend time together, we were exhausted and on edge. I wanted us to live our lives together. I knew that this couldn't happen if we were rarely in the same zip code at the same time.  I knew that we needed to change even if I didn't know how. 

Over the years, we have made decisions that have gone against the norm. We have chosen paths that have made others shake their heads in confusion. The hubby and I have given up the pursuit of promotions and income in exchange for flexibility and more time at home. We couldn't make these changes all at once, but gradually moved in that direction. I went from full time to part time to optional (no benefits, no guaranteed hours but with a flexible schedule) to completely quitting the career that I spent eight years in school to pursue so that I could stay at home. The hubby went from full time to part time to optional. The optional portion of his job during my recent hospital incarceration was so very helpful in surviving the whole ordeal. We started at-home businesses, built the homestead and cut costs. 

After we brought home our new baby in the summer of 2023, we realized that watching the hubby leave the house every day was not a habit that we wanted to continue. We would love to say that our small businesses were financially lucrative enough to fully support our family of seven. It is not...yet.

How could we fix this problem and still have an income? Telework seemed to be the answer. These jobs are difficult to find and even harder to get for healthcare professionals. Luckily, after many applications and a referral from an old coworker, he was able to get one of these positions. He starts his new job soon. 

Now, we are taking one more step in our journey to live our lives together as a family. As with all things, there will be pros and cons to this change. 

Pro: The hubby will be at home more. 

This will allow him to be notified and possibly available to witness the growth milestones that he always misses when working away from home. He won't be spending two hours a day commuting. He can eat lunch with us. He can help us with farm chores. 

Con: The hubby will be at home more. 

This change will be an adjustment. We are already quoting the phrase "stay in your lane" as we navigate how the work-from-home job will impact us as a family. He will have to learn that we do things differently when he isn't here and that we will continue to do them that way when he is confined to a computer screen. We will have to learn how to adjust to interruptions in our school day when they don't coincide with his coffee breaks. 

Pro: It will save us money.

From gas, wear and tear on the vehicle, occasional eating out costs, purchasing scrubs and shoes that wear down; the costs just to attend a job away from home are significant. The hubby was commuting almost two hours a day. The scrubs and shoes that can only be worn in the hospital were costs that will no longer be required. 

Con: It may cost more time. 

There are numerous times that the hubby picked up an item or ran an errand on the way home from work. These errands will have to be completed in a different manner. 

Pro: The hours of his new job are later in the day. 

I've always hated the idea that we get up, rush out the door and give up our most productive part of ourselves to the benefit of someone else. I know that we are financially compensated for this time, but our energy drains out of us as the day proceeds. The ability to accomplish tasks for ourselves at the end of the day are less likely to occur when we are tired. These hours will allow him to get some woodworking or work done for the farm before he has to clock in for his regular j-o-b. 

Con: The hours of his new job are later in the day. 

The hubby will no longer be able to coach the girls' basketball practice. He will not be able to run a kid to soccer or church in the evening for me. I will miss his help, but he will be home in case of emergencies so some of the kids could stay home while I run the errands for the others. I think we can make it work. 

Pro: We will see more of what the other person does during a day. 

I will be the first to admit that when the hubby is away, I don't appreciate the work that he is doing. I see the clogged sink, the broken cabinet door and a multitude of other projects that he promised to fix when he has the time. With his absence, I forget that he is working the entire day and am just grateful to hand off some of my problems the moment he walks into the door. When he is home, I see the problems that he runs into while working on a project and tend to be more understanding of the unavoidable delays. 

The same works the other way around. I can describe the clothing meltdown of a little girl that causes us to be late, but until he experiences it, he doesn't really understand. I can complain about the multitude of interruptions that we have to navigate while trying to complete a lesson, but it simply isn't the same until he sees it for himself. 

Con: There is less flexibility with this new job. 

He is going back to a full-time position. The loss of flexibility was a true concern. We have grown to love our flexibility to schedule our lives and the work around it. We can't have everything, though. 

I could go on with the pros and cons of this new job, but it all boils down to a method to achieve the next step forward: the hubby physically being home more often. 

We made a lot of changes over the years to pursue this goal of "living our lives together". A decreased sense of job security, unusual work schedules, financial fluctuations and a multitude of comments and questions about our sanity are just a few things that we have endured. This unorthodox road has shown us a few unexpected curves, but I wouldn't trade it for the other path. We are choosing to live life on our own terms and are finding happiness within this abnormal way of living. Living our lives together as a family has been one thing that I have never regretted spending my time and energy pursuing.