How I Went From Zero to Nine Cats Overnight

Differing Definitions 

 I grew up on a farm where we had separate definitions for cats based on their function. I had assumed that these definitions were universal but after a few years of living in the suburbs, I realized that this is not the case. So, I am going to start out by clearly defining the terms used in this article.

• Barn Cat – A feline whose primary purpose is to rid the local area of pesky rodents. Despite their name, they do not have to reside in a barn. They may live in or around sheds, wood piles, feed stores, or any other area where rodents could become pests. Their fierce predatory nature does not always make them open for human companionship and they may spend more time hissing at their human visitors than rubbing against their legs. These cats can be tamed to tolerate humans and even show affection when provided with occasional treats such as food or milk.
• Pet Cat – A feline whose primary purpose is human companionship. They spend the majority of their time snuggling and purring next to, or on top of, their humans. They rarely find the need to hunt and if they do, they will present their prey to their human as a prized gift. They can become quite spoiled and demanding of their human’s attention and in a lot of cases require the use of a litter box. For those of you unaware, a litter box is a box containing small rocks and sand that the owner must continuously purchase and replace as the cat uses this box for his/her toilet needs.

Now, back to the story…

We recently moved from a subdivision into a home with five acres of land. We are very excited to turn this property into a small homestead and have various projects in process and planned for the future. It did not take us long to discover that we had unwanted inhabitants in our shed. As time progressed, these mice became more brave and defiant to our ownership of the property. Since I refused to allow my husband to use poison to end these pests, we were limited to mouse traps or cats.

Mouse traps are a fine alternative as long as you don’t mind disposing of the carcass. Personally, I do not. We discussed the option of barn cats. Our kids have been asking for a cat for a while and since I will not tolerate kitty litter (see above definition for details), we have not considered it until now. We have five whole acres for a cat to roam. Why not?!

I support adopting animals from your local shelters when at all possible (our dog is a former pound puppy) but for our purposes, this would not work. The cats in a shelter are used to small quarters, litter boxes and a constant supply of food. We wanted a hardier type of cat to eliminate those insolent mice. Plus, we also have our own dog and some large neighbor dogs from which this cat must be able to stand its ground. A pet cat would not be a good fit for us at this time, so a barn cat it is!

We quickly found someone that had a new set of kittens born in their barn. We would have to wait until they were weaned but we were excited to have an answer to our problem. Since the cat would live outside, we decided that it would be nice for he/she to have a friend. Our kids loved this idea and eventually led to the suggestion that we should take four kittens, one for each child to name and claim as their own even if they could only point to them from a distance as the cat ran for cover.

The Evening Arrives

The kittens were ready! I was scheduled for a shift in the hospital so my husband handled the task of taking the children to the farm to pick up the four kittens. The excitement was brewing in our house for a few days in anticipation of the new arrivals.

It was a busy night in the ER so I did not have the opportunity to find out the details of their adventure. I received a blurry picture of the happy kids and some fur balls and a text stating that “we have the kittens”.

The Next Morning

My husband was not around the next morning, which happens a lot with hospital shift work, when my five-year old decided to wake me before 7am to announce, “We have cats!”. Did I mention that didn’t fall asleep until almost 3am?! I grumpily asked her to leave only to have her return multiple times with requests to feed the cats. I stumbled out of bed, forgo my coffee (big mistake) and trudged up to the shed. On the way, I was informed by my over-enthusiastic kiddos that these hardy barn cats were not yet eating cat food but still required powdered/supplemental milk. Huh?

I opened the door to the shed to discover a passel of kittens. A passel is the correct term for NINE cats isn’t it?! In addition to finding over double the number of kittens as was expected, I discovered that they were almost as small as the mice that they were supposed to be devouring AND the stress of the traveling had given them diarrhea. I really should have made time for my cup of coffee.

The excited chatter of the kids as they described the personalities and names of each kitten blurred into the background as I attempted to wrap my head around this crazy turn of events. How did four hardy barn cats turn into nine puny little kittens? To give these kittens credit, they did hiss and run like barn cats which made the entire scene even more outrageous. We fed the kittens and closed the shed. I really needed my coffee to tackle the rest of this situation. Then, the neighbor’s dog discovered the unfamiliar scent in our shed. She started barking and jumping around like a crazed canine. This did NOT help my mood or get me any closer to my much-needed coffee.

Later…

When my husband returned home, my oldest ran to the car to warn him of the impending conversation that he was going to have by stating, “Mom was expecting four cats and not nine small kittens. Watch out!”. My husband was laughing as he walked in the door. He knew of the number of cats but had no idea of the morning that ensued in his absence.

We walked to the shed together. As soon as we opened the door, the kids went crazy with excitement and joy. They all started talking at once about their new cats and how happy they were to have them at home.

He looked at me, shrugged, and said, “THIS is how we ended up with nine kittens”.